ON THE DL

Kornheiser Calls Me Insane On My Own Show

I’m 31 today. So who better to spread the birthday cheer than the ol’ grouch Tony Kornheiser.

Tony once again says that he misses radio, so I try my best to make the show like his old radio program. Which means let Tony rant, and get out of the way.

First, we hear about Tony’s day yesterday which included Jury Duty. Only Kornheiser can make an entire day at the courthouse compelling, and for someone who didn’t who has never gone to jury duty, it’s actually pretty interesting.

And no, he surprisingly didn’t use “do you know who I am?” Well, until he got in front of the judge, then it gets funny.

Then we talk about Michael Phelps and Alex Rodriguez. Who was stupider? (Phelps.) Tony actually asserts that A-Rod wasn’t stupid at all. He was cold, calculated and completely in the know about what he was sticking into his body. Phelps is just a moron. And while he says he loves her, Tony is not a fan of Sally Jenkins’ work as of late.

And what about the children? That creates one hell of a rant.

“Stop. The kids? Stop. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear people say, ‘what is A-Rod going to do for the kids now.’ Here’s what he can do for the kids -- go hit home runs and shut up. Go get a hit after the seventh inning in some games. Go get a hit in October.”

We stay on the kids. Seriously, Tony, what about the kids?

“I don’t want to hear, when people go to games, and they say, ‘oh the behavior in the stands was so bad. It was so bad for my kids.’ Stop using your kids as a crutch. It was so bad for you. Stand up and say, ‘it offended ME.’ It’s not about your kid.”

And when asked about the porn spliced into the Super Bowl Fight-Club style:

Tony: That’s funny. That was funny.
Me: But was watching that and thought it was funny, but my kid was in the room, I get offended because my kid was there.
Tony: Well of course you do, because you don’t want your kid to know you thought it was cool.

Moving on. We look at the sports calendar and realize how much February sucks. So what, in Tony’s mind, is the best sports time of year? Has that changed since he’s been doing Monday Night Football?

“ESPN can have me. I’d love to do it, again. If they’d like to have me, I’d love to do it. And if they don’t like to have me I’m sure -- I don’t think that television networks, I don’t that large companies and I don’t think that political administrations worry about getting rid of somebody if they want to make a change. They just make changes.”

When I mention the layoffs and hiring freezes at ESPN, MLB and NFL, he has an interesting take on the economics.

“I don’t make enough money that they have to worry about getting rid of me. They can do it if they want to. I hope they choose to retain me. I really enjoy the work.”

I ask when he starts to prepare for next season, and if he’s currently under the assumption he’s coming back to MNF, when would they tell him otherwise. He jokes that he’s not preparing in February and I mentioned the draft and how two years ago he covered that, just trying to get a timeline from Tony. Oops -- created a draft rant.

They asked me to do the draft last year and I said, ’what are you talking about? I don’t know anything about the draft. I don’t know these things. I can’t help you with the draft. This is -- Your big show every year is the draft. Giant show. I can’t help you with it.’ It’s for Mel Kiper. It’s for people like that who make it their living. I’d would just be a wise guy. I don’t even know these players. It’s pointless.

Before we get to the radio-equivalent to the Big Finish, we touch on two things near and dear to Tony’s heart: dogs and Idol. An old dog won Westminster, so I ask if there’s any chance for Maggie. And we get into a debate about Idol.

To finish, the big Mail Bag is back!!!!!

All the regulars, and while Tony doesn’t read them (sorry) he cuts me off at every chance. We talk Twitter, Cindy Boren, Wilbon on a fence, haikus galore, fruit attacking bikers, Rehoboth Beach and Bea Arthur’s bong.

Link to this:

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Listen here. It’s the closest thing to OGR.

Above is the entire show. At the bottom, or by clicking the header, you can link to subscribe to the show.

Below are some highlights from the show, for the ADD afflicted, like me.

CLIPS

The best way to download is to get it at itunes

Buy the new On the DL merchandise for 2009! While supplies last (which means forever).

Get the closest thing to Tony’s radio show (and find out who this Cindy Boren Tony wants me to cheat on my wife with - no offense Cindy, but it ain’t gonna happen) by watching WashingtonPost.com’s Talking Points. Click above.

Listen to Tony’s previous appearance on the DL by clicking the photo above.

Tony had Jury Duty yesterday. We get the entire day, run down in the first segment of the show. The entire day.

We talk Phelps and A-Rod. Who is dumber? How did Phelps let someone photograph him? What a moron!

This time of year stinks for sports, so what time of year does Tony like best? Oh, and once again, what is his future on MNF?

The giant mailbag to close. Tony cuts off every email in the longest email segment with fewest emails ever.

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