I’m 31 today. So who better to spread the birthday cheer than the ol’ grouch Tony Kornheiser.

Tony once again says that he misses radio, so I try my best to make the show like his old radio program. Which means let Tony rant, and get out of the way.

First, we hear about Tony’s day yesterday which included Jury Duty. Only Kornheiser can make an entire day at the courthouse compelling, and for someone who didn’t who has never gone to jury duty, it’s actually pretty interesting.

And no, he surprisingly didn’t use “do you know who I am?” Well, until he got in front of the judge, then it gets funny.

Then we talk about Michael Phelps and Alex Rodriguez. Who was stupider? (Phelps.) Tony actually asserts that A-Rod wasn’t stupid at all. He was cold, calculated and completely in the know about what he was sticking into his body. Phelps is just a moron.

And what about the children? That creates one hell of a rant.

We look at the sports calendar and realize how much February sucks. So what, in Tony’s mind, is the best sports time of year? Has that changed since he’s been doing Monday Night Football?

Before we get to the radio-equivalent to the Big Finish, we touch on two things near and dear to Tony’s heart: dogs and Idol. An old dog won Westminster, so I ask if there’s any chance for Maggie. And we get into a debate about Idol.

To finish, the big Mail Bag is back!!!!!

All the regulars, and while Tony doesn’t read them (sorry) he cuts me off at every chance. We talk Twitter, Cindy Boren, Wilbon on a fence, haikus galore, Rehoboth Beach and Bea Arthur’s bong.