The Fourth of July is this weekend. Is there anything more American than baseball, hot dogs and fireworks? Kevin Kaduk fills in for Nick to discuss those topics, and to keep the American theme going, somehow compares waiting in line for an iPhone to being at Ellis Island.

But first, we talk about why Kaduk was recently called a communist (by me). He wrote a post against the shaving cream pie in the face at baseball games. What’s more American than a good ol’ fashioned pie in the face? We do agree, however, that if teams are going to do it, do it right. No more lazy towels. Get creative, fellas!

Before we get to the baseball talk, a topic Kaduk knows a little something about as the editor of Yahoo’s Big League Stew baseball blog, I give him a chance to rip me for loving soccer. He points out that many of us only talk about soccer during the World Cup, so why do we care about things like the Confederations Cup when the tournament is something most of us have never heard of.

It’s simple, the US did well in it. So people cared. For me, its all based on the roster. If the US is in an international competition the first thing I’ll look at is the US roster and the rosters of the other squads in the tournament. For the Confederations Cup, there were some heavy hitters on those teams. This was a full-squad warm up for next year’s World Cup, and it was worth paying attention to. Kaduk wonders why people are so eager to hop on the soccer bandwagon, but not the hockey bandwagon. I give my personal reasons for hockey apathy, but we discuss how the soccer fan doesn’t get a lot of US National team competition, so when it happens, it’s a bigger deal. Nobody in America really cares about the MLS as much as the National team. In fact, most soccer fans follow international club teams more than MLS teams. But the short tournaments and rare opportunities to cover the national team is what make it fun to watch.

This leads to a conversation about the length of professional seasons and if the US leagues should take an idea from the English Premiership and develop in season tournaments for different competitions. Put a trophy on everything. Make the NL East title mean something with a mini-tournament inside the regular season. The Phillies and Mets have a great rivalry, so why not figure out a way to put a trophy on that. Kaduk mentions the Interleague matchups that happen every year. The White Sox and Cubs should have an annual trophy like they do in college football rivalries. Same for the Yankees and Mets. Put something more on these games than just a win and a high five line.

Talking Baseball:

We continue the baseball talk to spin toward the All-Star Game. Kaduk gives his wishes (as posted on Big League Stew) of who he wants to earn more fan votes to start the game. There are still some close races, so he tries to push some of the more deserving players, like Ian Kinsler and Torii Hunter, over the top.

We also revisit the conversation Nick and I had a few weeks ago about our all-time Home Run Derby. Who would Kaduk put in his all time Derby? Steroids or not, ‘Duk wants Big Mac. He also throws in one of the most obscure picks ever, for sentimental reasons, in Gorman Thomas. And his pick of The Mick is great, especially because he’d want to see Mantle show up in black and white, because that’s how we know him.

I pick Ruth, and the two guys who have hit the farthest home runs in Philadelphia I’ve ever seen (or seen where they landed). Willie Stargell and Ryan Howard.

Last on the baseball front, we discuss the importance of two-out runs. Will Carroll of Baseball Prospectus and I have a long-standing conversation about the importance of two-out runs. Will thinks that runs are runs (damn math people) and that there is no significant difference between a run scored with two outs and a run with one or no outs. Runs, by statistical measures, are all equal, no matter when they are scored.

Call me a traditionalist, fine, but I still think two outs matters. Two out runs are back breakers. You are one pitch away from getting out of the inning, and bam-o, tie game. Or a loss. Or a rally that crushes the team’s spirit.

So where does ‘Duk fall? He respects the SABRmatricians but still thinks there’s a humanness to each at bat. Different players have different heart rates. There is something to be said about being clutch. So like many of us (trust me, I love the SABR stuff) he’s somewhere in the middle. Either way you fall, it’s a very interesting debate. And if you’re a number-cruncher, that’s fine, but next time your teams gives up a run in the eighth with two down and a 2-2 count...think about this debate.

Tech Talk:

Kaduk ordered a new iPhone after many years with Sprint. He actually waited in line at the AT&T store for a while and tells the tale of how waiting for an iPhone is like the lines at Ellis Island. Who knew so many desolate people could afford a $350 phone and $110 a month for service. Seriously, that’s insane.

I’m upset because I’ve been an Apple guy my entire life (made on a Mac, some might say) and waited through years of crappy games for Mac why my PC friends got all the cool stuff. Now I have a Blackberry and FINALLY Apple puts out the product where everyone wants to make stuff for. Thanks, jerks.

‘Duk mentions that he saw somewhere the Compact Disc technology was created in the 60’s. This leads to a techish look at our history with CDs, Laser Disc players, Mini Disc players and BETAMAX porn. His, not mine.

The Weekend That Is:

We talk about our favorite things to do on the Fourth of July -- eat wieners and blow crap up. We run down the list of different hot dogs, both in the midwest and here on the East Coast. I tell the story of how my father-in-law hates natural casing hot dogs, that he purchased on vacation mind you, and basically called me Un-American for liking a hot dog that was made in Coney Island! He like a boring old Ballpark Frank, which ‘Duk and I agree is fine at a chicken-burger-dog-beer BBQ, but no where near the level you need for a dog-only meal.

We also talk about the great ketchup and mustard debate. ‘Duk talks about dragging his dog ‘through the garden’, while I think the best toping for a hot dog is...another hot dog. And yes, the words “I like a salty dog” do come out of my mouth. It’s as ridiculous as it sounds, and for more on my love of all things diggity (dog) check out the Sporting Blog later today.

We move to fireworks. Turns out, I’m an old man who hates my neighbors. ‘Duk loves his as they blow up the place during the Fourth. We talk about our history of fireworks, which has less to do with actual fireworks and more to do with randomly blowing things up. That, we all enjoy.

Thanks to everyone for indulging our ridiculousness, and have a happy and safe Independence Day.